Big Brothers Of Destruction
by Paper Wound
Summary: Hey, have you ever wondered what would happen if you put a load of Diablo characters on Big brother. I didn't think so. Check it out and review please!


Big Brothers of Destruction  
  
"Hi, I'm Baal, and I'll be your host for the entirety of BIG BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION! Yay! Let's see what's happened since we started 3 hours ago!" Baal, while still smiling with perfect white teeth, quickly raises one of his legs and spears it out into the crowd. He retracts it to reveal a man, with Baal's leg through him, his eyes open in shock and a bloody shirt, holding a sign saying "Down with Baal!!!" Baal continues smiling. Camera changes to show a woman dressed in tight leather with dark black hair walking up the stairs towards the Big brother door and the guards. "First in, we had the assassin. 723 weapons were confiscated from her suitcase, and she was driven back home to repack." The doors open, and the assassin turns, her face twitches into a supermodel smile, her arm rises into a wave, she shoves her chest forward, kicks one guard over the edge to his screaming death, then turns and runs in the door. "She says she's going to miss her 'bunny wabbits' 'Maimsy' and 'Visectimmy' and her tortoise 'Torturee'." "In the short time the assassin had to wait for another person to enter, she had already tried to seduce a chicken, a chair and 3 walls. Interesting."  
  
"Next to enter was the Necromancer." Camera shows a thin bony man with sheet white skin running up the stairs. "He says he's going to miss his 'burps that he gets from drinking coca cola'." At the top of the stairs the necromancer has mooned the crowd, and ran in the doors. Camera into house. Necromancer reaches the bottom of the stairs. "Oh hellll-ooooo!" The assassin says, running towards the necromancer. She greets him, and then starts stroking his cheeks. Necromancer goes pink, clearly embarrassed. Silence. Necromancer looks around and becomes very interested in a wall. He breaks the silence. "I farted." He bursts out laughing insanely. The assassin looks at him, clearly disgusted. Necromancer runs to the toilet. "For the next five minutes" Baal informs "The Necromancer was in the toilet farting to 'If you wanna be my lover' by the spice girls."  
  
"Third in was the Amazon." Camera shows a woman with a gold breastplate and a short skirt running up the stairs. "The Amazon says she's going to miss the sort of clubs she goes to." The Amazon turns, waves and walks down the stairs. Camera shows inside house. "H." A gruff, manly voice speaks. Amazon starts again in high pitched squeal. "Hiya!" "Hi! Who are you?" Says the Assassin. "I'm the Amazon!" Suddenly, toilet door bursts open. "Hey! New girl! Check this out!" Squeals the Necromancer. "No, don't do it Necro. DON'T LIGHT YOUR FART ON FIRE!" Screams the assassin, as a jet of blue flames is launched across the room. Necro is left to put out his pants. "Who. I mean who is that weirdo?" Asks the Amazon starting yet again with a low gruff manly voice and restarting with a high-pitched squeak. "That, I'm afraid, is the Necro." Answers the assassin, over screams of pain and laughter from the Necro.  
  
"Next in we had the Barbarian." Cuts in Baal. Camera shows a muscular man, topless except for a pink, fluffy scarf rapped around his neck, running up the stairs. He has a brown leather skirt on (?). "The Barbarian, or 'Barbie' as he likes to be called, says he's going to miss picking his outfits from his vast wardrobe." Barbarian turns, curtsies, and raises his right arm, with a limp wrist, to carry an imaginary bag and runs down the stairs. "Hi! I'm Barbie!" greets 'Barbie'. Barbarian runs and hugs both the Assassin and the Amazon in a very girly way, then releases them both. "Hey girlfriends!" "Hi, I'm the Amazon." "And I'm the Assassin." Says the assassin, while trying to squeeze his knee. Barbie swats her hand. "Sorry, not that sort of man." Smiles Barbie. "Isn't there supposed to be another gentleman in here?" "The Necro? He's currently trying to massage his nostrils with an electric toothbrush." Camera back to Baal.  
  
"Next up, we had the Sorceress!" Camera shows woman with nervous eyes at the top of the stairs. "She says she's going to miss. well actually she didn't say anything." The Sorceress slightly raises her arm in a sort of wave then turns and runs in the door. Camera shows inside house. "H." a low voice starts, and then corrects itself. "Hi, I'm the Amazon." "And I'm Barbie!" "And I'm the Assassin." "Hi." whispers the Sorceress meekly, still standing at the top of the stairs. Camera goes back to  
  
"It took her an incredible five minutes to walk down that short flight of stairs." Starts Baal. "Apparently she was 'scared of falling to her early death'. We had just one more, boy's and girl's, the one, the only, the druid!" Camera goes to a tall, hideously ugly man, flexing the muscles of a thirteen year old at the top of the stairs. "He says he's going to miss his constant supply of gel. Apparently viewers, he converted two fire extinguishers into gel containers that he has strapped to his back all the time and squirts them on his hair during the day." Druid punches the air and walks into the house. Camera back inside the house. "Ladies, make an orderly queue." Druid greets. Druid puts out his hand to Barbie. Barbie looks at the hand, looks at the intolerably ugly face with the cheesy smile on it, and decides not to take the hand and so just waves. "Call me Dru." Dru says, combing back his hair with his hand.  
  
Back to Baal "So, it looks like we have an interesting mix of personalities in the Big Brothers of Destruction house! We'll see you next time on BIG BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION!" Baal continues his pearly white smile. 


End file.
